tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-83665403070337741492012-01-19T08:03:28.150-08:00“The pupil dilates in darkness and in the end finds light, just as the soul dilates in misfortune and in the end finds God.” ~ Victor Hugo, Les MisérablesReflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.comBlogger1981100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-86461287476866942702012-01-16T14:53:00.000-08:002012-01-17T04:50:39.928-08:00

I find I can only endure so much time living in my head before I'm consumed with muscle aches and fatigue.  As a result, I involuntarily began looking for a balance – a physical activity to help me shift from head to body.  In 2006, I began to contemplate a return to my long forgotten world of skating. Skating played center stage in my childhood and teenage years.  I lived and breathed it like

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-46558836966402106062012-01-10T16:18:00.000-08:002012-01-12T06:58:39.777-08:00

Picture Credit: I’ve been a victim of my own emotions most of my life, yet possessed only a vague consciousness of its debilitating grip.  It’s as if once bitten, the serpent became a phantom.  It seems unfair to wage war with the invisible.  The slithering fears, anxieties and doubts loom large and out of proportion.  The more you want to talk about it, the more others want to shut you up.

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-10759641575186769182012-01-08T11:55:00.000-08:002012-01-08T15:48:03.252-08:00

Picture Credit “I learned that experiences and circumstances do NOT define who or what I am but rather give me the opportunity to discover my true character when faced with challenges.”  -- Shari Alyse“Our likings are regulated by our circumstances. The artist prefers a hilly country because it is picturesque; the engineer a flat one because it is convenient; the man of pleasure likes what he

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-3719186766015443992012-01-01T13:27:00.000-08:002012-01-05T05:15:34.833-08:00

Picture Credit I began life on an emotionally impoverished level, though I didn’t know it at the time. Between neglect and watching the constant drama between my parents, it has meant shedding many unhealthy beliefs that block intimacy with others as well as personal growth.  I became immersed in church ministry hoping it would raise my self esteem. It took some time to understand grace over

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-2063803701662111872011-12-27T18:53:00.000-08:002011-12-29T18:29:10.448-08:00

“The kingdom of heaven has suffered violence, and the violent take it by force.”  Matthew 11:12 Picture Credit As mentioned in previous posts I've been taking time to do some grief work only to find this process escorting me into another related area referred to as "re-parenting the inner child" -- oddly enough an area I seriously hadn't considered before. I've been coming to see how some

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-48228036958860941512011-12-23T08:09:00.000-08:002012-01-01T15:47:25.712-08:00

Picture Credit “I do not believe that sheer suffering teaches. If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise, since everyone suffers. To suffering must be added mourning, understanding, patience, love, openness and the willingness to remain vulnerable.”  ∼ Anne Morrow Lindbergh I’ve been feeling dead inside (if such a thing can be considered a feeling) and to me this deadness signifies

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-64395187015383730812011-12-11T16:22:00.000-08:002011-12-27T13:41:28.641-08:00

“If we are grieving, it is because of our blessed capacity to embrace life and take risks. If we are confused, it is because we value meaning and order. If we are angry, it is because we have a backbone of will and belief. If we are lonely, it is because we feel our deep connection with the world, but are still seeking where and how. If we feel despair, it is because we have a deep capacity for

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-25000438665021839082011-11-27T11:18:00.000-08:002011-12-24T22:56:29.304-08:00

Photo Image from: www.cheatbuster.files.wordpress.com “If we are grieving, it is because of our blessed capacity to embrace life and take risks. If we are confused, it is because we value meaning and order. If we are angry, it is because we have a backbone of will and belief. If we are lonely, it is because we feel our deep connection with the world, but are still seeking where and how. If we

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-92226174146747727542011-11-20T13:45:00.000-08:002011-12-24T22:57:16.437-08:00

“We have been trained to be nice dead people or bullies. When you are in a position of authority you are justified in being a bully. You don’t call yourself a bully—you call yourself an authority. In domination systems authorities are given legal power to bully through the system of deserve, in which punishment, rewards and other forms of coercion get you to do things.” -- Marshall B.

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-38493327828244081572011-11-20T06:14:00.000-08:002011-12-04T14:44:47.475-08:00

Photo image from: www.armijos.files.wordpress.com “Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake.” “Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise.” “It is nothing to die. It is frightful not to live.” “You who suffer because you love, love still more. To die

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-46338945970947680972011-11-16T07:22:00.000-08:002011-12-04T14:47:42.805-08:00

“The future has several names. For the weak, it is impossible; for the fainthearted, it is unknown; but for the valiant, it is ideal.”  ~ Victor Hugo I have always had problems being on edge, especially at work or in new situations. Therapists say this is the result of childhood trauma.  Loud voices or disruptive behaviors trigger acute apprehension. Oppressive vibes especially get to me. I

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-69805734742321874162011-11-01T09:28:00.000-07:002011-12-04T14:48:28.525-08:00

“The beauty of the soul shines out when a man bears with composure one heavy mischance after another, not because he does not feel them, but because he is a man of high and heroic temper.” -- Aristotle I’ve sought so long to acquire that unmistakable characteristic found in every hero. Coming from a highly reactive family background, I recall the delight of retreating to the soothing yet

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-56018744596049781982011-10-30T06:58:00.000-07:002011-12-04T14:49:19.403-08:00

Random acts of kindness can be a source of blessing when they come from a place of strength. On the contrary, when we place our sense of wellbeing in someone else's hands, we lose control.  We set ourselves up for defeat when we determine how much we give by what we receive. -- Reflector

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-76770083055392509432011-10-27T19:33:00.000-07:002011-12-04T14:50:03.083-08:00

"We think direct written and verbal communication is clear and accurate and efficient. It is none of those... Yes, there's a huge amount of information communicated via your affect, your style and your confidence, but no, I don't think humans are so good at getting all the details. Plan on being misunderstood. Repeat yourself. When in doubt, repeat yourself."  --  Seth Godin “Being

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-60815362902587815542011-10-22T19:20:00.000-07:002011-12-04T14:50:58.622-08:00

Photo image from www.anxietytreatmentblog.com "For the traumatized child, life becomes a long, drawn-out crisis. In a psychological phenomenon called hypervigilance, the traumatized child spends most of her time on the lookout for trouble, and as a result, will easily be triggered into fear, anxiety, and depression. Fear increases the level of cortisol, causing chronic tension and anxiety; it

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-65127168790565193692011-10-18T10:32:00.000-07:002011-12-04T14:53:12.958-08:00

"Let me tell you that in these corners live strange people - dreamers. The dreamer - if you want an exact definition - is not a human being, but a creature of an intermediate sort. For the most part he settles in some inaccessible corner, as though hiding from the light of day; once he slips into his corner, he grows to it like a snail, or, anyway, he is in that respect very much like that

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-86539465977290982212011-10-17T09:44:00.000-07:002012-01-19T08:03:28.168-08:00

Melodious notes of sunshine, Messengers of love You carry me on generous wings You break through my defenses You drive back the cold currents Reverie and elation possess me I dance like the breeze My heart twists and swells Until it surrenders Rigidity departs No cares and demands My feet prepare for impromptu With catlike reflexes My arms sway and circle As if predetermining my

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-78220300831499180762011-10-10T19:38:00.000-07:002012-01-16T08:47:08.927-08:00

Since childhood skating has always provoked a sudden rush in my veins.  I never analyzed what the fascination was all about. It began by watching a classmate named Neil Hill maneuver effortlessly on ice skates in a way that combined grace and confidence. The music then of the 60s and 70s elevated my spirit with anticipation of capturing the heart of a pretty girl with some fancy footing and show

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-6878093227650485012011-10-09T21:16:00.000-07:002011-12-04T14:58:17.044-08:00

Maybe the idea of a birth"day" is too distressing when warm expressions are limited to a short interval of time. Maybe birthdays shouldn't be looked upon as the epitome of how much others love you... all love expressions, pumped into one day. So, why not take heed to Jonathan Swift's words, when he said, "May you live all the days of your life."? Could there ever be a greater birthday wish?

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-41870765118154569042011-10-09T21:00:00.000-07:002011-12-04T14:57:25.423-08:00

Dear Colleague friend, You confuse me to death with your changing nature. I know no one who can light a room with sunshine like you. Your sweetness awakens me from slumber. What I cannot understand is how you manage so well to mirror the old saying, "Out of sight -- out of mind." Having said that don't be surprised when I shun your invitations because it hurts when you forget what you yourself

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-13734267373442121502011-10-09T20:57:00.000-07:002011-12-04T14:58:58.000-08:00

Dear Truth, I used to think you were evading me, choosing favorites, booking too many appointments and just never available. Then I'd complain the sessions were too short or too interrupted until I realized I'm the elusive one... Your repented follower

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-26964008171265410842011-10-09T13:57:00.000-07:002011-12-04T14:59:42.085-08:00

Dear Self, What's wrong with you today? Why do you let your heart get heavy, discontent, insecure and chaotic? Why do you become a stranger to yourself like that? Once the restlessness swirls inside, it takes your peace of mind hostage. Yeah, you stop liking yourself. How different it is when you look at yourself through kind eyes. It's a gentler view that looks not at outward attributes that

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-9822958577013552092011-09-27T18:52:00.000-07:002011-12-04T15:00:54.114-08:00

Photo image from http://www.picturesofknights.net/ Without intending to I took refuge in higher education. I aspired over the years to become a gifted speaker even though I felt grossly inadequate and insecure. I prepared obsessively so that my talks or speeches would not only be informative, but deep, well investigated and inspiring. I set my face to building a reputation as a high achieving

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-81674372406074186212011-09-10T19:58:00.000-07:002011-11-20T06:38:27.628-08:00

Dear Pet Poodle, I'm sorry I take you for granted and often don't show appreciation for your companionship as I know it to be. I don't know why, but when I close my eyes and just contemplate you with my other senses, this helps me to open a window of tenderness toward you. When I open my eyes again you become the noble and sensitive creature that appears out of obscurity. Your preoccupied

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-86795258116558951472011-09-01T14:11:00.000-07:002011-12-04T15:01:43.346-08:00

Photo Image from www.train-centre.org The subject of emotional fitness awakens a keen interest in me perhaps because I had so little of it growing up. Defensiveness, overreaction, insecurity, giving in then blowing up, low self esteem, over-identification had a way of sabotaging relationships.  When you're young burning bridges doesn't seem so devastating. As I grow older, however, resolving

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-40758854824968084682011-07-15T07:07:00.000-07:002011-12-04T15:03:32.342-08:00

I don’t know why it has taken me this long to post another entry. Many unsolicited changes have detonated unexpectedly and I realize these register on my emotional radar as loss. I’m visiting my hometown with DD these days. I expected everything to be euphoric.  She has not accompanied me on a trip for many years and I knew the vacation would be intense. Usually, I spend it ruminating and

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-40440956646340227492011-03-13T11:29:00.000-07:002011-12-04T15:04:17.497-08:00

Photo credit: www.noshtrdomus.pressword.files.com “It was a price I paid more than once. I had to foot the same bill over and over again. And every time my anger welled up, but I was unable to identify its true origins...Why was I always at pains to do what people expected of me and never disappoint them? Because I hoped it would release me from the loneliness that I always experienced as a

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-90005580993729017122011-02-25T12:09:00.000-08:002011-12-04T15:05:58.702-08:00

"The one thing that is frustrating is that when a person who needs help out of a relationship like this [with PPD symptoms], the personality disorder is hidden. They are able to control it when necessary. It becomes such a hidden issue that it's hard to prove. I've found the ultra charmer tends to be a red flag for this problem. The more charming, the farther away I want to be." * -- Angela

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-6888168887290923712011-02-23T06:44:00.000-08:002011-12-04T15:06:56.615-08:00

http://charlotte.pausd.org/~tbruegger/Law%201/ch2.htmPhoto credit: www.charlotte.pausd.org Friday January 28th at 9:30 Dear MDM and DD, Your phone call alarmed me as I was fast asleep and could never have imagined what had transpired while I was in peace.  When your trembling voice began telling me you were both victims of armed robbery, I froze in one place. How could four men ambush you on

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-54403205443635387792011-01-24T06:12:00.000-08:002011-12-28T17:20:52.478-08:00

Photo credit: www.insideawarenessblog.com “We all know we’re going to die; what’s important is the kind of men and women we are in the face of this.” ∼ Anne Lamott Dear Preacher, You spoke of an ordeal you had gone through where you had lost your voice for a year and how difficult it was for you to be sidelined. You felt it to be an injustice to not be able to exercise your gifts. saying

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-68580510251199142852011-01-16T14:58:00.000-08:002011-12-04T15:11:48.350-08:00

Photo credit: http://www.canstock.com/ "We only consult the ear because the heart is wanting." ∼Blaise Pascal Dear Upsi, In your highly poignant blog, “You Don’t Have to Dance for Them”, you posted some weighty annotations. You referred to an article entitled: "Loneliness and innocence: A Kierkegaardian reflection..." [by Patricia Huntington]. I derived great pleasure how you broke into a

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-85054989082928902842011-01-13T05:47:00.000-08:002011-10-10T19:14:16.433-07:00

Graph credit: www.utahcounty.org "From the target’s point of view, the relationship becomes a vicious circle of bonding, anxiety, fear, relief, sex and further bonding. The longer it goes on, the harder it is for the target to escape." ~ Donna AndersonIf you've ever questioned why abusive relationships are harder to get over than healthy ones, then Donna Anderson's latest article "Getting Over

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-29211803054420763182011-01-12T16:22:00.000-08:002011-11-20T06:42:52.414-08:00

Dear Youtube, Today I watched one of your videos today called, "Neglect: Don't Hide It". It turned out to be an ad for youth in need of counselling, but nevertheless it got me thinking: When a caregiver has emotionally neglected you during your tender childhood, you usually don't see it as neglect because your perspective is parallel to a fish inside of a fish bowl. You never knew any other kind

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-40254031429708828112011-01-07T04:51:00.000-08:002011-11-20T06:43:24.691-08:00

Photo credit: http://www.heyjosh.com/ I’ve been reading David Viscott’s, “Emotional Resilience: Simple Truths for Dealing with the Unfinished Business of Your Past.” After reading it twice, I wonder about the subtitle, because for me there is nothing simple about dealing with the past. It's painfully complex, tiring, tedious and elusive. It requires questioning assumptions and coping mechanisms -

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-1884875814758082252011-01-05T18:25:00.000-08:002011-11-20T06:43:55.922-08:00

Photo credit: http://www.terrytheweaver.com/ “We have all a better guide in ourselves, if we would attend to it,than any other person can be.” ̴ Jane Austen When I first lived overseas, I had many dreams though I would have had a hard time to articulate them one by one if anyone happened to ask. However, I never imagined twenty years to look back upon so much discord, drama, fear and coercion [

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-13447312841897821182011-01-03T11:01:00.000-08:002011-11-20T06:44:35.090-08:00

photo credit: www.canstock.com "Face the facts of being what you are, for that is what changes what you are." ~ Soren Kierkegaard I'm an outsider.  I didn't plan it that way. I daily face a hotchpotch of self-contradictions: People are loud or too quiet. They are either Extroverts or Introverts.  I'm an ambivert.  I show bursts of extroversion, but get drained by social interaction even

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-2386762776943021602010-12-31T14:25:00.000-08:002011-11-20T06:45:04.340-08:00

photo image by http://www.inlineskating.com/ I've carried skating in my veins since childhood. It all began by watching a classmate named Neil Hill maneuver effortlessly on ice skates in a way that combined grace with physical strength. I remember the rush I'd get as I fastened my laces with a hook-like gadget, while strangulating the veins of my arches. The music then of the 60s and 70s

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-13941189544432116612010-12-28T10:10:00.000-08:002011-12-11T16:55:32.784-08:00

photo image by fitnessspot.com “One should not think slightingly of the paradoxical; for the paradox is the source of the thinker’s passion, and the thinker without a paradox is like a lover without feeling: a paltry mediocrity. The paradox is really the pathos of intellectual life and just as only great souls are exposed to passions, it is only the great thinker who is exposed to what I call

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-29282180210173672652010-12-27T05:06:00.000-08:002011-11-20T06:46:28.888-08:00

logo by quail christian survivor org... "... I’ve come to believe that healing myself is one of the best things I can do for the people I love, because it makes me sensitive to the right things and gives me the ability to be truly compassionate, without getting sidetracked by my own stuff." ~ Lovefraud Forum Member In the early stages of my healing journey, I sought therapeutic help anywhere I

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-32129448748733087592010-12-25T19:09:00.000-08:002011-11-20T06:47:02.755-08:00

photo by xcomment.com "There are people, who the more you do for them, the less they will do for themselves." ~ Jane Austen On the “precarious” front this week, my daughter’s mother (MDM) called. She wanted to talk, yet she let on as if she hadn’t been served the divorce papers. It was only later that my lawyer informed me she had received them. I therefore had no clue where the conversation

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-52540733923725935232010-12-25T09:42:00.000-08:002011-11-21T12:26:43.787-08:00

Dr. Brown talks from the heart about the importance of developing courage, vulnerability and connectivity. Summary of Topics: • How we make joy foreboding • Low grade connection • Perfectionism • Faith – Vulnerability = Extremism • Scarcity tells us we’re not enough • The consequences of Invulnerability • To be grateful • To honor the ordinary

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-74251189225118346812010-12-21T13:00:00.000-08:002011-11-21T12:28:35.917-08:00

I was watching this young woman today who video blogs under the name of 4salvation. She is the encarnation of authenticity itself -- like listening to an intimate friend in realtime. With wide-eyed, childlike transparency, she talks about her conflictive past and how it interferes with her present. You can see by her vocabulary she's done a lot of reading by her precise vocabulary. What

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-2672538198075812422010-12-15T08:46:00.000-08:002011-12-09T08:38:35.629-08:00

Photo by Jeffery Posner"I always felt that I needed to work much harder than other people did in order to feel and be loved." -- Christine Anne Platel I received a comment on my last post and I appreciate the reader pointing out to me that although my journal entry brimmed with insight not much emotion came through. Although the observation didn't surprise me, I never detected that characteristic

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-31425926789820419662010-12-08T08:50:00.000-08:002011-12-09T08:36:33.273-08:00

Photo from belfasttelegraph.co.ukSurvivor of Developmental Trauma Disorder Through most of my life, I sought to hide, fix or "unbe" myself. As a result, I began some time ago to piece together the puzzle of my broken childhood. As a boy, I had no idea how to navigate in my day-to-day world and as a result wore an insecure label across my forehead. My first recollection of emotional neglect as a

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-82540910197309391942010-11-24T18:45:00.000-08:002011-11-21T12:31:20.018-08:00

illustration by veer It saddens me to see people so out of tune with themselves and with one another. Even though I remind myself that the purpose of work is work, I sometimes wish I could drop the protective armor once in a while and connect with someone who will listen on a deeper level. There is one colleague however, who encourages me with her gentle approach to life. I refer to her as

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-116271857229294192010-11-21T15:32:00.000-08:002011-11-21T12:31:53.609-08:00

Photo: Individuality Image by Deviant Art “Many people allow their circumstances, experiences and external environment to determine their feelings, outlook and moods. When things are going great they feel great. When things are going poorly, they feel bad.These people tend to look outside of themselves for sources of happiness: to other people, to exciting experiences, external sources and signs

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-4821336116238028952010-11-07T14:06:00.000-08:002011-12-09T08:14:36.860-08:00

Photo Image by Anonymous “Being a low-maintenance child or partner (a nice word for self-neglect) is idealized as a valuable attribute.” – Charlotte Z. Cavatica “It is common for people to say we all have a void that only God can fill. That is probably true but the emptiness I lived with and inside of was greater than any natural, inborn need for God. It was the void that nurturing parents are

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-72102850157768971552010-10-17T15:54:00.000-07:002011-11-21T12:33:19.365-08:00

What I’m writing about today is not new, but a topic I revisit from time to time. I don't know if its inherent in my personality or the result of a love deficient childhood that I tend toward an external locus of motivation. I think and act as if my well being depends upon finding solutions and resources outside myself -- it can be channeled in the pursuit of a significant other as if this love

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-53245054788691322192010-10-09T10:28:00.000-07:002011-11-21T12:33:53.914-08:00

painting by Joan Miró When we get around to understanding a little bit about our inner wounded child we are more aware about how our past can interfere with our present. As a young adult I knew I had issues to wrestle through -- both big and small. Still, apart from reading self-help books and listening to good sermons, I had no clue how to resolve my inner conflicts nor where to begin, so I

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-8469845508758824422010-10-03T16:56:00.000-07:002011-11-21T12:34:38.856-08:00

“The classic advantage women have over men is a stronger emotional tie to the children which may be used to regulate the children’s emotional response to their father in retaliation... “ -- Barbara J. Lonsdorf Today I’ve been reading an article entitled, “The Role of Coercion” by Barbara J. Lonsdorf. Lonsdorf writes that the same coercive dynamics that played themselves out in a dysfunctional

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-54101030228291576932010-09-27T10:21:00.000-07:002011-11-21T12:35:56.378-08:00

“Most people tend to notice other people’s energy and actions before they notice their own. They become preoccupied with what others are doing or not doing, projecting their ideas about why they are that way. They carry on with criticism or comparisons, while their deeper feelings go unattended.” - Doc Childr and Deborah Rozman Sometimes I think I’m attending deeper feelings when I’m really

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-12773273799133540302010-09-19T08:03:00.000-07:002011-11-21T12:36:14.636-08:00

Since March of this year, my world has shrunk -- my activity choices are limited. I have to watch each penny because the exchange rate on the US dollar is poor, so that I received at least two hundred dollars less each month than I used to. I cannot always go to church because it's far and consumes a lot of gasoline. Entertainment of any kind is also out, so this has had an isolating element to

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-85308181359340646842010-09-17T18:56:00.000-07:002011-12-09T08:12:07.267-08:00

I feel pleased to be able to write that I had a productive week. Usually, I tend to plod along slower than I would like at work, but these last few days have been different that way. It's a great feeling to be on top of things, especially when you're not used to it. I wish I had that kind of control over other areas of life -- that I could simply start over with minimum repercussions --

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-36080761782831517882010-09-12T11:25:00.000-07:002011-11-21T12:39:36.385-08:00

This week spilled over with lots of activities and sweets at the school where I teach. In my host country we celebrated Children's Day on September 9th. As a result the sermon or talk this morning at church reflected upon the nature and rights of children. The lady speaker said we live in an adult-centered world where children are subjected to the whims of adults who have authority over them.

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-88285992949260197692010-09-05T04:27:00.000-07:002011-12-28T17:22:24.278-08:00

I paid a visit to a church today I usually don't attend. Even though it's close by my house I prefer to go farther because .... uuummm, the preacher rubs me the wrong way? Until today, it’s been difficult for me to understand what triggers this allergic reaction since the pastor seems like a nice guy. Well, the sermon emphasized the importance of hearing God’s voice which I thought was ironic

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-48671329873066120572010-08-29T17:55:00.000-07:002011-11-21T12:40:26.110-08:00

I wanted to share a comment I received in response to my previous post about heightened sensitivity. At first I thought I could post it as it was written and let it speak for itself, but I realized I needed to take another approach so as not to confuse my readers. As an introduction, the author shared that she (like me) didn't have the natural discernment or "sifter" to see through people as she

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-65798315325227429112010-08-29T10:51:00.000-07:002011-11-21T12:40:53.321-08:00

I'm not ashamed to wear the HSP badge. I enjoy the advantages that heightened sensitivity offers me even though society shames these gentler, more refined masculine traits. Sadly, even empathetic women are duped into believing society's rough-tough-and-ready ideal and they usually end up paying for it. Even though these same women end up with emotionally unavailable types, the social programming

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-3201100458870741792010-08-14T14:39:00.000-07:002011-11-21T12:30:51.286-08:00

I received a painful letter from my daughter's mother today. I'll spare you the details that penetrated through my soul like a thousand poisonous darts. She wrote ten pages, but I couldn't even stomach the first two. This impending conflict hung over me for years. Like many other necessary confrontations, this one was long overdue. However, I can't even take credit for the final showdown,

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-19755523520999171952010-08-10T19:39:00.000-07:002011-11-21T12:49:45.741-08:00

I’ve had little time to write or reflect and as an introvert that's probably the worst that can happen. Since getting back from my trip to see my family, I’ve been met with one problem after another for the last two weeks. Secondly, I haven't had time to do any reflecting and thirdly, well you know...

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-62044617692688789472010-07-31T15:55:00.000-07:002011-11-21T12:50:11.210-08:00

The more I live the more I discover that life is a battle. I don't thrive on that idea because I'm the kind of person who needs to be surrounded by lots of harmony and order to keep me from sinking. When challenges overwhelm me I have a tendency to detach even though I don't mean to. This gets me in trouble in some situationes where action and appearance are assigned upmost importance. I prefer

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-35834452315454660222010-07-22T16:20:00.000-07:002011-12-09T08:19:09.653-08:00

It's taken me a long time to see the turbulance inside of me -- a state I grew up with and therefore hardly noticed. Like a fish inside water, it has no idea what any other environment looks or feels like. That's how I sometimes feel even today. I'm reading a challenging book, entitled, "Overcoming Emotional Chaos" and will be sharing insights that the two authors express. The one idea I've

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-46517175147193020112010-07-11T17:40:00.000-07:002011-11-21T12:51:02.100-08:00

I wonder if I try too hard to compensate my daughter for my absenteeism as a father during her childhood? I hardly recognized back then that the marital conflicts wore me down to an egg shell existence so that emotionally I was in a fog though I didn't want to be. I thought at first that all my perplexity centered around my being an HSP, but now I'm wondering if it's PTSD. These symptoms may

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-82314159243509575502010-07-11T03:48:00.000-07:002011-12-09T08:10:27.094-08:00

Whenever I mentioned to others how I stayed in an abusive marriage for 16 years, the classic response I'd get was why would anyone tolerate such a "relationship" for so long if it was so bad? Letting go of an intensely harmful relationship is more complicated than it looks, because perpetrators can be as sweet and tender as they are hostile and self-absorbed. It's a lethal mix. They have a

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-67699016344252210312010-07-09T18:53:00.000-07:002011-11-21T12:51:57.752-08:00

As I read blogs from time to time, what captivates my attention is not so much the commonality factor as much as the ability of the author to let me into his or her most private thoughts. I find too many people express their experiences in a distant text book fashion which informs, yet leaves the me as the reader outside in the cold. -- Reflector

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-51352851205884353512010-07-07T21:02:00.000-07:002011-12-09T08:13:32.173-08:00

I learned the term, "hoover" means getting sucked into the same relationship even though you know in your heart it's hazardous to your health. It can happen over and over again if you're not grounded -- especially when you have co-parenting duties to fulfill on a daily basis. A few times I've been taken off guard getting into a friendly conversation with my stbxP. I find that until you have a

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-2309226091040270862010-07-07T17:16:00.000-07:002010-12-04T13:09:12.114-08:00

I've been reading in the support forums that PTSD is a common response to abusive relationships so I decided to select descriptors that applied to me. I have overcome some symptoms while others like social isolation and getting overwhelmed are still issues...My PTSD symptoms:"Difficulty “letting go” of the event, or dwelling on “what if?”Feeling emotionally overwhelmed, or having emotions get out

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-28278574531471064412010-07-04T17:51:00.000-07:002011-08-03T07:05:52.225-07:00

"An abusive relationship is a lethal web of confusion, fear, promises, and hope. The complicated and dangerous process of getting out entails many challenges that people who have never been battered may not consider." -- letswrap.com Even though I've been separated from an abusive relationship for several years I often need to reinject myself with a reality check -- re-reading/re-educating

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-63544835139628371722010-06-08T08:14:00.000-07:002010-07-20T04:11:34.167-07:00

"I think EVERY SINGLE TIME we planned on a special vacation, she did SOMETHING to make sure I started it angry, frustrated and sick at heart. " -- LoveFraudWhen life is out of control and abuses are invisibly administered, we tend to repress and question our feelings -- at least I did. As a result, I started journaling to help me understand the hidden pain. Unless someone has lived that reality,

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-38747211623760677912010-06-06T08:56:00.000-07:002010-12-04T12:59:30.360-08:00

I woke up this morning with this new insight in mind so I quickly jotted it down to share. I have found that one of the residues of growing up with a emotionally damaged parent, is you pick up some of his or her behavior without meaning to. I'm not referring to the obvious pathological raging, cruelty or aloofness, but some of the more subtle, underlying, self-centered stuff that rubs off on us

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-37097665020440121702010-05-23T13:48:00.000-07:002010-07-10T21:00:31.839-07:00

A few nights ago I received a new insight. It's the result of a comment to a post I read that mirrored my past and present and I realized I had stumbled onto one of those empowering insights.I’ve been restless for answers dealing with the troubles I’m having with my soon-to-be ex , yet not seeming to come to any resolution over some slippery issues. What I mean is – she still has control over me

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-308046771092223932010-04-28T18:03:00.000-07:002010-12-04T13:10:17.627-08:00

I wish I could distinguish the difference between those serious emotional impairments of life from those invented by the self-help industry for personal or commercial gain. For example, there are authors who assign denial, confusion and self-doubt under the umbrella of codependent behavior. Is it true? On the other hand, others believe "codependency" is a myth and does not need treatment, but is

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-25565181754322369312010-04-20T14:37:00.000-07:002011-12-12T06:22:57.518-08:00

The following verses speak of the joy I experience from a long standing friendship. I chose to express it in the form of a birthday poem. Birthdays and good times Come and go too soon Yet some friendships are spared The wrinkles of time They're ageless and free Where the twinkle of the eyes The generosity of a smile The light touch of a hand And the velvety energy of an embrace Melt together as

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-54534899071262989792010-03-30T08:53:00.000-07:002010-06-23T18:14:38.525-07:00

I’m sure you have heard that sometimes reality is stranger than fiction. So, this post describes what I have been experiencing. Let me start with a rather long and tedious depiction about the dreaded RTV. Here in Costa Rica each vehicle must pass a rigorous technical revision each year called Riteve (RTV for short). For most people RTV is a dreaded experience where you cross your fingers your

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-36819321665823631742010-02-12T14:44:00.000-08:002011-12-12T06:23:24.380-08:00

Maybe the idea of a Birth"day" is too distressing, When warm expressions are limited, To a short interval of time, Maybe birthdays shouldn't be looked upon, As the epitome, Of how much others love us... All love expressions, Pumped into just one day. So, take heed to Jonathan Swift's words, When he said, "May you live all the days of your life." Could there ever be, A greater birthday wish? For a

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-88585790845225220692010-01-19T15:39:00.000-08:002011-11-06T14:04:33.295-08:00

I remember being a socially receptive child who had a profound need to connect with others and quite competent at winning friends. However, as I grew older I began to feel out of place and secretly dejected. Although I put on the façade that everything was fine, I couldn’t make sense of the loud, hard-hitting, competitive climate that hovered over every day school life. While growing up, any

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-1665353079623660142010-01-18T17:42:00.000-08:002010-10-08T20:19:42.711-07:00

After more than three years of living the separated life, I’m getting past the stage of desperation and heading toward serenity and self confidence. I’m not referring to the glamorously vogue self-confidence with its extravagant smile. Most people probably wouldn’t notice much difference if they saw me in real life due to my serious and reserved persona. Yet something new is happening inside me.

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-57179162122417388332010-01-03T09:34:00.000-08:002010-12-07T13:30:07.388-08:00

While I have a strong need to confide and express opinions and feelings to others, I often allow my emotions to cloud my thinking. The ability to feel other's pain over my own has sometimes proven distressing since I can become overly involved in other people's problems. When someone opens up to me I feel it’s my responsibility to take care of him or her. In school, peers would often take

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-54532841537990929652009-08-10T08:05:00.000-07:002010-05-23T20:37:57.732-07:00

Dear you,I have to confess that whenever I’ve sought to establish a soul connection in the past - even if I only intended it to be a friendship -- it followed a predictable and self-defeating pattern. No matter how I tried to avoid it, sooner or later, I'd become infatuated and therefore obsessed whenever if it involved someone attractive to me. The blueprint was familiar enough, so that each

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-32605278467241735392009-07-09T08:03:00.000-07:002010-06-07T08:20:06.553-07:00

Jesus made his way to a formal and rather stuffy dinner party one day. In human terms, many important religious figures had arrived when a lady of ‘reputation’ walked in from the street and made the most surprising entrance. She got down on her knees to wet Jesus’ feet with her tears. She wiped them with her HAIR, kissed them and poured an expensive perfume on them. Now, if you want to attract

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-32788472566269676412009-06-29T11:05:00.000-07:002010-07-04T17:44:36.136-07:00

As I'm reading comments from Lovefraud Blog, I wanted to jot down some important points that LF members are making so I would'nt have to back track later on. So, here they are in living color:On Forgiveness"...there can come a time when we realize our suffering has been our healing in a strange sort of way, for it has been the basis for re-centering and reforming a self that would have been less

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-27739330350667208642009-06-27T15:38:00.000-07:002010-07-04T17:45:37.707-07:00

As I read an article from Lovefraud.com, I couldn't help but identify with the following excerpts. The disordered person can be incredibly convincing to the untrained eye when it comes to "receiving therapy"."And so... we have the illusion of a client who appears motivated to seek help and make a kind of sincere reckoning, but who, instead, uses therapy to manipulate her way out of the doghouse

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-67739524431345676182009-06-26T15:17:00.000-07:002010-07-04T17:48:32.930-07:00

"Let us emphasize the futility of this scenario—the exploiter really doesn’t want a satisfying or, for that matter, even a perfect, partner; rather what he or she wants is a partner who, in his or her insecurity, will continue to accept on some level blame for the exploiter’s unending, habitual exploitation." -- Steve Becker Today I began reading some old notes (by Dr. David Viscott) that I had

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-81862717344592748452009-06-23T23:00:00.000-07:002010-07-04T17:49:46.750-07:00

"Abusive behavior follows patterns. Batterers behave in highly stereotyped ways - the tension, the battering, the apology, the honeymoon, the tension. Emotional abusers behave in similarly patterned ways - ruin the holiday; ruin the birthday; spoil the accomplishment; demand all the attention at the wedding/funeral/bar mitzvah. If you learn to see the patterns, you will learn to see the abuse. If

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-64017798758572607572009-06-13T07:28:00.000-07:002010-06-10T07:58:08.338-07:00

Today I wanted to share a manifesto declaration written by the musical group, Savage Garden. I selected only what I consider choice verses. I also added other maxims I had collected from other sources. Perhaps you have some of your own... Affirmation lyrics“I believe the sun should never set upon an argumentI believe we place our happiness in other people's handsI believe our parents did the best

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-42656959988059114552009-06-13T00:44:00.000-07:002010-12-27T19:55:55.295-08:00

“I cannot do all the good that the world needs, but the world needs all the good that I can do.” -- Jana StanfieldI had the opportunity this year to stumble upon an invaluable find toward creative connectivity, drawing on the principles of improvisational theater outlined by Patricia Madson. It involves approaching life with a willingness to pay attention to whatever life presents, and to say

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-12554236241402852412009-02-12T04:38:00.000-08:002010-12-04T13:11:26.609-08:00

I've been fighting sensory issues all my life without knowing I even had this condition. It would baffled me because I never showed extreme manifestations of any kind -- only moderate. It nevertheless has made my life distressing. What do I mean by difficult to detect? For example, I remember several weeks ago how I had lost peace over a personal matter and began to search the Internet day and

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-78686941765791477202008-12-15T12:14:00.000-08:002010-06-07T08:22:25.733-07:00

It's easy in the midst of the day-to-day routineTo lose sight of the thoughtful people around us Who give life its delightful tones and colorBy working together we learn not only to know each other – to help each otherbut also to value one another…YET familiarity seems to dull this vision So we forget to express that high regard TR © 2008

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-88148816933821417392008-12-07T04:19:00.000-08:002010-12-04T13:12:08.613-08:00

“Only Faith beholds that all is well.” -- S.R. Lysaght How are you doing? Have you ever felt somewhat stuck... perhaps thinking too much about how to answer that evasive question? I do. Indeed, it becomes evasive if we focus upon that minute membrane called Feelings that are complex... restless little creatures that stir in the night. Well, in the last while I’ve been learning to accept REALITY (

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-66825132279595006422008-08-18T17:47:00.000-07:002010-06-04T07:33:52.121-07:00

If love is measured by degree of cooperation, then God must seem like an unfriendly fellow, for many times the idea He asserts is, “You will progress when I say so.” For example, when God freed the people of Israel from their slave masters in Egypt, that freedom was physical, but liberty from the chains of Egypt was only the beginning. Heart change was the second phase. We know from Deuteronomy 8

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-62907027445225923842008-07-25T05:07:00.000-07:002010-12-27T19:58:27.329-08:00

Just because we are God's children doesn't mean we are immune to hearing internal critical voices. Sometimes I'm excessively hard on myself, on top of being on edge. However, if you clean a fish tank, you not only eliminate the dirt and debris, but also the essential bacteria culture that sustains aquatic life. Without that good bacteria, the fish die in a matter of two weeks. In the same way, we

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-10328466956312144542008-07-12T05:12:00.000-07:002011-12-02T18:38:18.199-08:00

Will I find you My forever-friend That connectedness That God can bring? If each word is a step Then I walk toward you As I a youngster Reading his yearbook For inviting annotations From soon-forgotten friends? Am I too believing Forever too believing To beat the odds? Will I be banished From the portal of your Eden?Each stanza rhymes As does dissonance With your distance © TR 2008

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My background schooled me to believe 'couplehood' apexed life so the idea of having a lifetime partner ruled as the primary reason for being. It was simply considered 'heaven on earth'. To even remotely consider a life of singleness implied a character defect or deficit among my hot-blooded Latin relatives. It was as if all meaning funneled through this supposed 'significant other'. Ironically,

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-39283895554054915362008-06-29T16:01:00.000-07:002010-12-04T13:18:12.881-08:00

"If there's one cultural quality we have, it's that we always see ourselves as an underdog." -- Bill Gates It's not easy to look directly at our outlook in life, especially when we are accustomed with an underdog outlook, isolating our self from emotional risks and choosing to react internally to frustrations and disappointments. It takes unusual courage to summon inner strength in order to

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-31637175396095901682008-06-29T15:55:00.001-07:002010-06-07T08:29:43.104-07:00

"It requires courage to open our eyes and listen to what is being whispered in the private places of our hearts." -- Lani Kent One Toronto morning while I strolling through a nearby drug store, I noticed this greeting card by artist Gary Larson with the caption, "Wish I'd brought a magazine". Larson couldn't have made a more stinging indictment on religion. Through this fuddy-duddy caricature I

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To be free means being who you are… being who I amTo do away with tiresome scripts And just talk with an open heartWith nothing more than naked dialogue Living is learning To pay attention To whatever life offers in the present Listening to the here and now With presence of mind and heartLoving is refusing To get diverted By debilitating interferences From painful past experiences Or borrowing

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-12741475695775787072008-06-29T04:49:00.000-07:002010-12-04T13:16:05.644-08:00

When you come from an empty-love-tank background (what others refer to as our love deficit), it’s second nature to build or at least intend to build your life around a significant other as if all meaning funneled through this one person. It’s personally taken lots of inner work to overcome this tendency and even now it afflicts me with a restlessness hard to shake. Melody Beattie in her book, “

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-19094813778826550672008-06-25T07:52:00.000-07:002010-06-07T08:31:26.442-07:00

I read an article by Susan V. Bosak who was saying that we need to pay attention to love in order to give the concept back the richness it deserves and to put the meat back on the bones. Bosak says we shouldn't confuse love with the illusions we have about it. Anyway, below I have jotted down some excerpts for you to exam."When we're young, we're less experienced in human relationships and don't

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-71740577828126001102008-06-25T05:30:00.000-07:002010-06-07T08:46:22.341-07:00

I awaken in my sleep To a place I’ve never been To the one I’ve yet to meet Worlds apart yet unseenFloods of sensation Leaving me impatient The delight of your femininity A gateway to blissful proximity In all of them and each other Perhaps to dream forever © TR 2008

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-24402173583426165742008-06-18T11:04:00.000-07:002010-06-07T08:46:56.461-07:00

Seemly alone I bear who I am No longer dreading The famished mouth of loneliness Where tears raged silently The Me, you seem to see Now searches for riches Fountains of reposed courage New strumming of heart strings Moistening the eyes Joining consolation to pain Seemly alone He cares for who I am And purifies by blood Letting me know Letting me show His redeeming love © TR 2008

Reflehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05976083649006431880noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8366540307033774149.post-27265264035717699742008-06-18T04:58:00.000-07:002010-05-25T14:41:50.053-07:00

“The reason my Father loves me is that I lay down my life – only to take it up again. No one takes it from me, but I lay down of my own accord. I have authority to take it up again. This command I received from my Father.” John 10: 17-18The application to above passage can only approximate Christ’s love in a secondary sense. Only Christ’s redemptive gift could have affected the salvation of the

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